Sunday, February 24, 2008
I see her cry every single day... and evenings, and I then ask myself this:
Is it worth it to leave your 15 month old toddler who is (was, now) still breastfeeding the night before you left with your packed luggages for an overseas job? Knowing you would not see him for the next 4,5 months... knowing your nightly sleep-ins with him are now reduced to those few seconds you get to see him on the webcam during teabreak, lunch or after work? That feeling of helplessness when you see him cry and run to the maid, knowing you are here and therefore are not able to pacify him? Expressing what's left of your milk in the toilet at least 2 times everyday - all the while thinking of your kid and wishing it was him latchin on to you instead of some expressing bottle? Is it worth it to know, the child you laboured for and then gave birth to is now being raised in the hands of others... however capable they might be?
I see her cry and I have so many questions to ask doubting her ability to keep it all together with being so sad every single day and night since she arrived, but I keep it all to myself cos I know she's having a hard time herself already.
What matters is she's still trying.For whatever reasons it is that she does.Because I do believe in that saying ' To each, his own'.
And I really hope she gets over this initial stage of missing home and her kid and adjusting to the life here. I really do. Cause I really can't bear to see a mother pine for her child each day like this. I wouldn't want to have to go through it myself.