Friday, August 21, 2009
So yesterday night instead of waiting, I got into bed early. And as much as I tried to close my eyes, its like they won't budge. Maybe, they have been so used to waiting up past the midnight hours that getting them to close early is not the norm! Oh, well.
It scares me, that sometimes I don't feel anything when I fall asleep without getting to speak to Hubz. Due to the time difference, some days when he works late - of course I wait for his call... but at some point along the line, I just go to bed. I'd get disappointed, but it'd be over in a sec!
Even he is sometimes amazed at my ability NOT to be angry, or just a tad concerned...... when he thinks I should be. But the problem is, I never know if I should be!
I don't know if thats normal, and I have no friends who go through the same marriage life as mine to compare my case with, so I can't really say.
And its not just the calls.... I've been having to be really independent all these while, and I'm not really sure if that's healthy in a relationship. I mean, where is the line drawn then, when most of the time I am with and by myself for up to 4 months, and am able to more that sufficiently function without the male presence of the husband? Apart from the occasional day or 2 of emotional-hormonal disturbances where my strength fails me.... BUT the rest of the time, I do more than just fine, which can be good, or bad.... depending on how we look at it?
I know these thoughts are silly, but hey, its worth mulling over.
So, when Hubz is back... how do I pull back from being the independent female that I am, to taking the back seat in the relationship and letting him have reign for abit whilst I get back to being a wife?
Geez, that all typed out, I don't know if I've ever done that since we've been married, even! *OMG*
Sheesh. Trust the brain to come up with all these last night, when all I wanted was for the eyes to shut!